This is a post I've been dreading but is infact what I've typed out entirely on my flight back from Malaysia to Dublin. It is completely raw, unfiltered and completely honest. I've let out some of my biggest insecurities in hopes of starting out a better, 2016 me. So here goes.
1. Zero makeup
One of the most wanted things in the world is natural beauty. What we can't have (naturally), is what we try, at least to get as close to as we can. Why else would some of the most successful fields in the world be beauty/ skincare related? And why else would soo many people invest thousands and thousands on just makeup and skincare? This is not even considering the tens of thousands spent on surgical procedures.
I for myself have the same belief. ( well not on surgical procedures, but you get the idea.) but after years of being a full on makeup enthusiast, and as much as I am still very passionate about it, it has infact taken its toll on the state of my skin, and self esteem. I tried out a number of different products thinking my skin was resilient enough to endure all of it. I had tolerable skin in high school (except for occasional bumps) and all the way through college. Unfortunately now (when im abroad, exposed to harsher, dryer conditions and the gunk ive bombarded my skin with) do I only realise how delicate my skin actually is. Because of the little bumps I've been getting, I've grown more reliant on makeup to cover my imperfections when instead, it worsened everything. Even when it's healed, I find myself reaching for my Perfection Lumiere bottle every time. This is okay if all I do is "brunch with my girls from time to time" or "take a day trip down to London over the weekend" or if my classes end at 12 so I could just wash up and have nothing else on for the day. This isnt the case for me. I have full days and I loove being outside. I just cant stay in all day. I have daily 9-5s, hospital visits till late evening, workshops, seminars and by the time I reach home.. pitch dark.
I wanna be able to go for class bare faced except for some gloss and mascara, and go for a swim after without having to carry my cleansing oil to wash off the foundation, or go on a 4 days 3 nights hiking trip with my friends without these petty things in mind, or not having to worry about the gunk on my face when I have my 9-5s every single day.
This year, i want my insecurities to go away. I want to treat my skin and get it to as best of a state as it could possibly get and be done with relying on foundation and concealer. Obviously once in a while, like cute dinners or events, now that's a different case. I would never forego my love for blending eyeshadows for the perfect smokey eye, and contouring my cheeks for killer cheek bones and highlighting my cheeks to cheat that natural glow. I will forever find makeup a form of art. But I just want to love myself and my skin more. In its natural, bare, imperfect state.
2. Be more like Monica
I do not at all see myself as the organised type. Frankly I'm the exact opposite. I push things to the very last minute, I don't plan my semesters well and I find myself running to my coursemates asking questions and feeling behind most of the time. I've suffered from serious anxiety issues, ever since my first year of medschool and I have to admit; is all because of poor TIME management. I do this all the time. I procrastinate, then I get anxious because I've got to cover a semester's worth of work within a month's time.
So I hereby VOW to be as alphabetically-ordered-colour-coordinated-date-specific kind of organised - like Monica from Friends. Remember how she made files and folders for Chandler's prospective job options mid Season 9? Yes
Be as over as Monica.
I have not been doing as well as I'd hoped for for my 1st, 2nd and start of 3rd year. Nothing close to 4 flats ever. But over the winter holidays I have decided on a number of things I'm truly passionate about, and a tentative career/ life plan. I obviously dont have A-Z figured out for myself but I do know for sure that I have a definitive idea of where I wanna be at the age of 30. This involves slaying my clinicals first. With ace time management, ace amount of sleep, ace motivation, I know I can do this. Ok honesty hour: i've always had 2 big dreams.i've always wanted to do fashion for as long as i can remember. I wanted to start my own line but at the same time I want to practice medicine. They're two big huge opposite dreams and at the age of 17, I chose one over the other. Eversince then i cant help but feel like im missing out on the other and that ill never get to live it. But recently i've read about how the world isnt black and white anymore and there isnt a generic career anymore. You can earn money doing practically anything, heck Youtuber is a full-time job now! So yea. I'm done with comparing my life with others and how im missing out.
"On social media you compare your lives with only a snippet of other peoples' lives. Not the full story"
I'm so so blessed. I may not feel this way 24 hours in a day and I have my moments of insecurities and doubts.
but I wouldn't change a thing- everything I've done leading up to this point and I am exactly where I want to be.
4. Myself over others
I feel like one of my biggest flaw is that I tend to stall my life for my friend or anyone else thats special. As much as I will still love my friends, i think I'm going to start loving myself a heck of a lot more. I'm gonna Kanye the hell out of myself. I can't keep waiting up late for FaceTime calls anymore. I cant bend over backwards neglecting my own needs over others' anymore. I have got to be selfish and I will be selfish. Because in the end of the day, I'm the one sitting for that exam I didn't prepare enough for, and I'm the one that's late for my 8 am.
So 2k16, I wont be afraid to put myself above everything and everyone else no matter who you are to me.
On the lighter side of things, I have decided to turn this blog into not only about my personal posts but also more towards clothes! Well, still personal in that sense, but more in a way that could hopefully help give outfit inspos!(not saying I would be of any inspiration to anybody, but I enjoy it so why the hell not).
Maybe to give you some life hacks, how-tos like cutting up an old turtle neck that's awkwardly long into a stellar cropped knit, and lotsa other things I sometimes do to my clothes just because.
And this will be my out let. Not TV series or movies anymore. Obviously, I am nowhere near as knowledgable when it comes to this extremely WIDE subject (i.e. fashion) BUT I have decided to share my love for thrifting, be more experimental with my clothes, be more active on DePop Market ( Carousell equivalent but in Europe), share with you some of my fav thrift stores, brands, and to be more active in documenting what I wear basically.(With my busy schedule, I will try at least.
I want to be able to do both things that I love, so why not start with this right?
4. Eat clean
This is in relation to having good skin obviously but far and foremost, I want to have a healthy body. Healthy body, healthy mind. Also healthy body, hot body, happy days. I want the kind of body I'm proud of . The kind i know future me will thank me for.
My grandma died of kidney failure last year and I have never gone through a worst period of time in my whole life. Because of this, it's all the more reason for me to start now with taking care of my health. I wanna eat more fresh uncooked greens, be aware of the calories and contents of the food I put into my system, drink 3Ls of water daily, never skip a meal, and lastly, although this is a sensitive subject to a lot of people and since I've promised myself to be completely honest in this post, I will touch on the subject because why the heck not. I promise to work towards eating only halal meat. MIND YOU I do not take pork ever. It's just that from time to time i do find myself going for non halal chicken and stuff (because of convenience esp when i travel) so this year I'd like to try at least, to not consume non halal meat. If it's is completely out of my way, then it could be another excuse for me to try out those cool vegan/vegetarian recipes I've bookmarked since forever. (Especially Izy Hossack's Apricot Quesadillas)
And finally,
5. Be closer to God
My family and I have gone through some of the biggest loop holes this year and we find ourselves feeling helpless most of the time. I do realise that no matter how far you've come, or how confident you are with your actions and efforts, sometimes you need God for that little sense of assurance. Assurance that everything is going to be okay even when at the exact moment of complete helplessness, it really isnt. I was and still am thousands and thousands of miles away from the people I love, and what happened to my grandma a couple months ago, was just reality's way of smacking me in the face really.
You never know when your last family feud is your last. Or when your midnight McD drive throughs with your mom would be the very last time too. I want to work extremely extremely hard this year to improve every part of myself and be the kind of person my mom can proudly say is hers.
I'm sorry this post isnt as fun as most new years resolutions are! I've neglected this blog long enough so why not start with the generic first-post-of-the-year-type post!
Well by this I mean the resolutions part, not the emo part.
Anyways,
Although I am obviously 2 months late, I truly hope all of you have a wonderful amazing fantastic life changing new year, and cheers to a brand new us!
Till then x
MM
Sorry to hear about your loss Marissa. Good luck in slaying these resolutions above! Reading them made me all fired up and motivated even late at night ;)
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