The worst feeling for me, is uncertainty. Not knowing whether or not a $100 fitted jacket I found online would fit me, or that annoying feeling of being unsure of the dessert I ordered, because never have I ever been used to the idea of ordering another one.
Yep it sucks that you're not allowed by nature to ever be sure of what you're going to be up against. But that's what makes things pretty amazing too. If you knew how things would turn out, say if they didn't turn out the way you wanted it too, you never would've experienced the good stuff that came along with it. The beautiful and unforgettable stuff that makes it all worth while.
So you just gotta do it.
If you want that lemon cake with poppy seeds, you get that lemon cake with poppy seeds. And if you want that jacket, you get that damned jacket. Because what if it fits? If it doesn't well that sucks but you could sell it off (for the pure enjoyment of giving) and some cool chick w the same taste could share the luv of an awesome jacket for less and you both win. Or if you wanna ask that cutie in class who always comes in late for class but is always early for tutorials. GO AND DO IT.
Because honestly I miss being in love. I miss worrying about what another thinks of how I dressed, how my hair looked, and I miss having a reason to feel anxious and excited and scared and nervous and happy all at the same time.
Bluegh sorry I shall cringe 4u. But that's just it though, I want it. I want the cheesiness of it all, and I can't help but hate myself for it. I hate feeling like I need someone to be happy. Because I don't. I am more than capable of taking care of myself. But I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind. Like I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not bold or smart or cool enough to deserve a majestic, epic, love story.
I find myself dwelling in the past and it sucks. No one's turning back for me or for anyone.
To all my people out there who feel like you're a lost cause, suck it up. Scream into a pillow, fix your shirt, fix your hair, have a glass of orange juice to freshen up your dying soul and move on. We need to find the ultimate majestic most absolute best version of ourselves and believe that this uncertainty will finally lead us to somewhere beautiful. Or at least somewhere with a nice piece of lemon cake with poppy seeds. We can pull through. We'll just have to.
MM
